Missed When Absent
by T'Laina
Summary: Set somewhere in the seventh season. Data has an unusual dream and finally realises what Tasha Yar meant to him.


**A/N: First fan fiction ever, so reviews are very much welcome. I don't own any characters. **

* * *

_The small yellow tracking device lay in the palm of Lieutenant Commander Data's hand. He stared at it excessively for a reason unknown to him. He remembered conversing with Commander Riker 3 years ago about his prolonged pondering of Ishara's betrayal. He had no idea what had caused the memory to come up after so long._

_But so it was that Data had found the chip and had become deeply entrenched in thought. Data found that it wasn't just the issue of betrayal that was consuming his thoughts but that it was Tasha. Data had always aspired to have emotion though he knew realistically it may never happen. He remembered the night that he and Tasha had shared. Whether she liked it or not, Tasha always had a special place in Data's mind because of it. Emotion didn't affect that._

_He remembered how infectious her laughter was. And how her smile lit up the room. When she was happy, everybody else was too. Data wished he could have shared in that happiness with her. She was a brilliant officer. A real treasure that Starfleet had lost. But Data knew within himself that she would always be more than that to him.  
_

_A drop of liquid landed on top of the chip. Data looked up to the ceiling of his quarters. He could not visually detect anything wrong with the ceiling._  
_Puzzled, but not concerned, Data placed the chip on his table and went to his office desk to continue a report. As he sat, another drop of liquid fell onto his desk and Data realised the source was his own eyes. He was crying._

_"Impossible..." Data murmured. He puzzled over his body's response. He ran a self diagnostic. Results seemed normal. Thoroughly confused, he wiped the liquid of his face and decided to head to Engineering where he would ask Geordi for help. He didn't want to get ahead of himself, so he decided to be very ambiguous to Geordi about the reasons he had sought help._

_"It cannot be." Data asserted to himself. He couldn't possibly be having a real emotional response. Data knew this as well as anyone._

_Data walked out of his quarters and headed to the nearest turbolift. His crying had subsided. His thoughts wondered back to the time he had watched the life being sucked out of Tasha by Armus. He had been totally powerless to save her._

_"Halt turbolift"._

_Data's tears had resumed. They were gentle and soft running down Data's cheeks. He reveled in his show of emotions despite the unknown cause and poor timing._

_A pang._

_He felt a pang._

_In the pit of Data's "stomach" he felt pain._

_He slid down the walls of the turbolift. Another pang._

_His body was being racked with sudden and new feelings. He was now on the floor with his arms around his legs, sitting like a scared child. He started to convulse slightly and then a bit more. Sobs racked his body and Data lost total control. He allowed himself to be taken over by these feelings he never knew he possessed. This wasn't just the normal notion of missing the familiarity of a person. He missed and was grieving for Tasha._

* * *

"Data!"

Data felt a jiggling on his foot. He couldn't place where it was coming from.

"Come on, my friend, wake up!" Data vaguely recognised his best friend Geordi's voice.

"La Forge to Dr. Crusher."

"Crusher here."

"I know Androids aren't in your field of expertise, but could you come to Data's quarters as soon as possible?"

"On my way."

Commander Riker walked into the room.

"Is there a problem Geordi? Wasn't Data going to join us on the holodeck?

"Yes sir," replied Geordi. "But he's obviously in a dream cycle at the moment and he isn't waking from it."

"I see. Must be a damn good dream..." Will remarked dryly.

Geordi grimaced at Will before he noticed a yellow chip of some sort sitting next to Data's bed.

"I wonder what this is?" Geordi wondered as he picked up the device.

"Ah, that's the implant Dr Crusher removed from Ishara all those years ago." Commented Will.

Geordi looked it over.

"He really had a hard time after that incident didn't he? He was very hung up over Ishara." Said Geordi.

"I don't think that's who he was focusing on..." said Will.

"Who else...Tasha?"

"I'd say so. Those two had a connection." Commander Riker stated ambiguously.

"Sir?!" Geordi exclaimed. Riker raised his eyebrows.

"There's some things best left unsaid Geordi..." he teased.

Geordi opened his mouth to protest but Riker silenced him with a look that was the answer to all his questions. Dr. Crusher entered the room.

"Ah, Doctor Crusher." Geordi started clearing his throat.

* * *

"Now if you just help me run this scan Doctor, he'll probably wake up any minute now..."

Beverly complied and helped Geordi to run a final test. Just as she pulled back her hand, Data lurched forward and was sitting up straight. He looked slightly frazzled.

"It's ok Data. It's just Geordi, Will and I. Take your time." Beverley soothed.

Data blinked a few times. "I have just been through the most ... intriguing experience..."

"What happened Data?" Will asked gently.

Data started to recount his experience.

"I went to bed for the night and activated a dream cycle. But this dream cycle was unlike one I had ever experienced. I was back at the day that Ishara had betrayed us, it was just a short while after I had spoken to you, Commander Riker. But there was a notable divergence in my dream. As I thought about Ishara in my quarters, my mind also thought of Tasha and my body started to produce tears..."

Beverly, Will and Geordi were listening very intently. Data had stopped to look at the chip that lay next to his bed.

"Go on Data..." said Geordi.

Data regained his thoughts.

"I was going to you, Geordi, to assist me but whilst in the turbolift, I was overcome by grief. A true emotional response. I _felt_ pain in my body. My body was sobbing and I could feel the loss of Tasha so hard... it is as if it had been yesterday."

Will looked at Data in shock but quickly concealed it.

"It's the way you've always wanted to mourn for Tasha." Murmured Will.

"Precisely Commander." Data breathed. "But it was more. I remember the feeling as if it were real. But I cannot recreate it."

Dr Crusher took Data's hand in her own.

"Don't force it Data. Just let it be. Will, Geordi and I all went through a period of mourning for Tasha. We will always miss her terribly. But bringing up negative emotions on purpose can be detrimental, especially for someone such as yourself who has very little emotional experience."

Data nodded.

"Thank you for your help friends." Data said quietly.

The three took this as their cue to leave. Geordi gave Data a gentle sympathetic slap on the shoulder.

Data now knew that he somehow needed Tasha in his life. He needed her more than anyone else he knew. He remembered the feel of her closely shaved hair, the smell of her perfume... her warmth.

As he stared out into the expanse of space looking at the millions of stars, he knew with his whole being for the first time in 6 years that Tasha would always be in his mind or, dare he admit, heart. No more did he simply miss her familiarity. Tasha was a part of him. And that part was forever gone.


End file.
